lyrics by Peter Nulton (and Alexander Pope)


Twere ‘bout three years ago

In the coster market

I was down upon my luck

Looking for a little racket

When I spotted the mark

It a right honored sort of prig

Twas magistrate, a judge

N’his accustomed robe and wig

That periwig would fetch

A fetching price, I thought

If removed from the jurist

By a fence it could be bought

Of course, the point at issue

Was removal from the skull

Of a man whose beck and call

Accedes King George’s law

I followed two blocks hence

To a rather bawdy inn

He’d drink; I’d watch unnoticed

Among the crowd and din

When evening rolled about

The good judge left the bar

He left the barmy barristers

As he staggered out the door

A mile’n half from Mayfair

Totterin’ down a back lane

Twere quiet as a churchyard

Here’s the place to make me play

I first produced my Rapier

And then produced my flintlock

And said Stand and deliver

Give me that wig and wa-lk!

He exclaimed “You’ll hang for this!”

You’d better catch me first

I laughed behind my mask

As I made t’ward Chislehurst

I thought I’d made my fortune

The periwig the loot

When I brought it to the fence

Its value he did dispute

“A judge’s wig you brought me?

This will be hard to sell

Given that the buyer

Must needs be  judge as well”

So hear my warning

And remember forth this hence

That a bigwig’s wig might be

Most challenging to fence


The Dandy Highwaymen is a Rococo Punk project.

first performed 1/14/18 at Arisia, Boston, MA